Oh Dear, There's A Petition To Drink The Liquid From That Black Sarcophagus

2018-07-22

Did you hear about that sealed sarcophagus they opened in Egypt only to find three skeletons stewing a putrid, rust-colored soup? Did you perhaps wonder what it would be like to taste that very same soup? To put a cup of this long-marinated bone broth to your lips, inhale its succulent essence and draw a long sip?

You are not alone!

A Change.org user going by the name Innes Mck created a petition in the name of this total sacrilege and, as of Saturday afternoon, it’s gathered more than 8,000 signatures from petitioners who wish to sample “the forbidden nectar” or “yeah whatever.”

“We need to drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die,” the petition reads. 

No questions here!

To be clear: The liquid is actually sewage water that leaked in over the centuries, the Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities said this week, which is why the mummies were found decomposed instead of preserved. 

(Innes Mck has indeed heard this line and would like people to “please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage thats impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop.”)

Despite the large size of the sarcophagus, the bodies inside are not believed to be royalty, as hoped.

And regardless of where their accompanying liquid came from (sewers), an Egyptian news outlet posted a video to YouTube appearing to show a man dumping containers of the repulsive slurry right smack onto the street. So unfortunately, it looks like our chance to obtain immortality and/or a mummy’s curse and/or swift death by ancient disease is now behind us. 

• 2018-07-22
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